... it was a dream?! What is this, a Chrono Cross rip-off? ^>__<^ ... well, both are made by the same people... Anyway. Ack! ... er, hi, Kairi... *sweatdrop* And look, subtitles. :op (and yes, even the Japanese version has subtitles, in Japanese. heh.) ... and isn't Sora the goofiest-looking "hero/main character"-type person ever? ^O__o^ Oh, Kingdom Hearts, is it? Why thank you, I had not realized what game I was playing until you just told me. ^9__9^;;

Talk to Kairi to figure out that you need to find two logs, a cloth, and a rope (you need to say "What was that again?"). Scavenger hunt! ^~__~^ OK, now, to find those items! (... for the raft, dummy :op ) If you really don't want to go looking for this stuff, talk to her again and say "I'm totally clueless." She'll proceed to tell you exactly where the items are, but then what am I here for? ^>__<^

Alright, turn around and head down to the sand, and go right. Look! A log! Go up to it, and it automatically goes into your inventory. Turn seawards and head around that island-thing on your left. Yes, you'll have to swim, and yes, that's Riku up in the tree. To swim faster, press O. At the back of the island thing is a ladder. Climb it. There's another log right there at the top. OK, head across the bridge in front of you (yes, you'll get to talk to Riku later), then jump down to the ground on your left (or you could use the door, but eh). If you use the door, go down the stairs (yes, there's an SP down there) and exit through the other door. Either way, you'll end up in exactly the same place. Run forward past Wakka, take a right at Selphie (Selphie: What am I, a sign-post? >_< ) (and, yes, you can fall off places here), climb up the ladder on your left, follow the platform around, and there in the opposite corner from Tidus (eek, mini-Tidus ^.__.^ ) is the rope! You can talk to all these people in just a sec, after you give everything to Kairi. OK, follow the platform around again, jump down to the ground, take the stairs behind you, follow the other platform around, climb the ladder, more going-around-ness, and go through the doorway. The cloth is on the right wall. Go back and give everything to Kairi, and she'll give you a Hi-Potion. Talk to her, and answer "Not yet!"

Talk to Selphie twice and answer "Wanna duel?"


Mini-Boss: Selphie
HP:
Attacks: blows to the head with a jumprope
Recommended level: 2

Go directly for her. Screw trying to dodge when she's whirling that stupid jumprope around, cause she runs faster than you do. Lock onto her and just keep hitting her. Her whacks to your head can take off almost a third of your HP each, especially when she swings the thing around. It is possible to beat her the first time around, but if you don't, don't worry, you won't die and get game over. One thing to keep in mind: you get more points towards your level for blocking a blow (tech points). Sometimes she ends up whacking herself with the jumprope...

You can challenge her again as many times as you want. When you get bored of being whacked in the head with a girl's toy, go talk to Tidus twice, and answer "You asked for it!"


Mini-Boss: Tidus
HP:
Attacks: springing atCHA
Recommended level: 2

Let him come to you, then keep hitting X. When he jumps back, be careful, cause he's about to spring at you and whomp you good. ... sometimes the dope just kinda stands there. Attack! (... and yes, I am well aware that his weapon is a stick...) A good thing to do is back away when he jumps back, that way you're just out of reach when he attacks and, since he pauses right after he attacks, you can get in a good three hits.

Whee. Next? Talk to Wakka twice, unless you're not at level 3 yet, although you should be. Answer "Sure, let's play," and get berated for calling it "playing."


Mini-Boss: Wakka
HP:
Attacks: Throwing his freaking ball, and throwing it harder
Recommended level: 2-4

Yes, it is possible to beat him at lv 2... As usual, lock onto him, but when he starts leaning back, run around him in a circle, and do the same if he jumps into the air ("Take this!). His "take this!" thing can take off half your HP! While you're circling, move in towards him. He'll miss you with the ball, and after his second throw, you'll be close enough to get a few good thwacks in before you have to run around again. Watch it, though, cause he hits pretty hard. If you can back him into the corner between the ledge and the ramp leading onto the edge, you've got him cornered! Hit him hard, and don't stop! Another thing you can try is to time it so that you hit Wakka's ball when he throws it at you. You can knock it back, and if it hits him, then he gets all dizzy for a bit, and you can take the opportunity to smack him around.

Now, if you talk to Tidus, you can choose to battle all three of them at once!


Mini-Boss: Selphie, Tidus, and Wakka
HP:
Attacks: Same as before
Recommended level: 5

Run back between Selphie and Wakka, then veer right and lock-on to Selphie. Go after Selphie first, and her annoying jump rope. Just keep on hitting her. After she's KO'd (you'll see stars around her head), go after Tidus. Remember, he does that springing thing, so dodge that. Once he's down, do the running around thing with Wakka. If you wanna minimize the damage done by Wakka and his ball, do the running around Wakka thing, then smack his ball back at him. If it hits him, he's now dizzy, so... GO AFTER TIDUS! (not Wakka, cause Tidus'll still be trying to whomp you) Repeat this when Wakka stops stumbling around like a moron.


After the fight... you win a Potion! Joyous. You can win one every time you beat them.

Alright, now... go talk to Riku!


Mini-Boss: Riku
HP:
Attacks: springin atCHA, a la Tidus
Recommended level: 5

He's a toughie, especially due to the nature of the battle area ^.__.^ All the obstacles! And the losing cause of falling off the damn island! Not to mention that he hits pretty damn hard... Dodge like you did with Tidus. AND STOP CLIMBING THE DAMN TREES! ^>__<^ And... wow, one minute behind a damn tree without me bein able to see anythin... what are you two up to? ^O__o^ If you see him rear back, then jump to the side! Basically, you can smack him about three times in succession before he either stands still and you can't hit him, or he rears back for his jumping attack.

You win a Potion! Like with the other three, you can win one every time you beat him. When you're done messing around and leveling up, talk to Kairi again and agree to go home. After y'all run off, the scene switches to a castle. ... hey, one of those towers is lopsided. :op Hey, it's Donald! ... hee, mini-door. ^~__~^ Hee, Donald has funny feet. ^~__~^ Hee, the king is missing. ^~__~^ ... err?! What!? The king is missing?? ^O__o^ ... Pluto!! ... *falls over laughing* Has anybody else come to the conclusion that Donald's on crack? And he runs making funny noises. ^~__~^ And wow, that was a lightning bolt that'd even raise the hairs on Cless' neck! ^.__.^ Actually, that looks like something I'd do. ... oops. Er, hi ladies! (Donald: *sweatdrop*)

Hey, look, we're back to the island. You can beat up on the kids some more if you want to, but make sure you talk to all three of them. Tidus is where Riku was the day before. Head to the door where Kairi was standing yesterday. Go through it to get to the other side of the island. Talk to Riku, choose a name, then it's time to race. Merg. Alright, this is how it works usually (my way, which practically guarantees a win, will be after this): Run across the first platform. Beware, cause the end of the second platform will fall off, so just jump over that. Here, Riku takes the low road. Follow him if you want, or go to the tower- thing and jump up to grab the handle and swing down. Head to the sand ramp at the other end of the cove, then jump across the green platforms to the tree. Turn around, jump down, then run across the sand, up the hill, around the wooden platforms (go to their left), then jump up to where Kairi is.

Well, my friend let me borrow his official KH walkthrough, and I'm gonna put what that one says to do for the Riku race, just so you can laugh at how slow it makes you go. My way will be in the next paragraph. "Running across the wooden decks, watch out for the section that drops. Run around the right side of the tower and drop off the embankment. Continue through the shallow end of the water and charge up the slope. Hop across the grassy rocks to the big star, and jump up to touch it to sound a chime. Drop off the rock and follow the same path back to the start point, jumping onto the embankment and hopping across the wooden platforms."

Well, see... the problem is, is that it's terribly hard to not fall with the platform... soooo... this is what I do (and I always beat Riku by a mile and a friggin half): Run towards the wooden platforms at the beginning, but then jump sideways right dooooown into the shallow water. AVOID THE DEEPER WATER or you'll get slowed down from trying to swim! Run towards the stairs, keeping near the support beams of the wooden platforms, and about the time you reach the sand you hear the broken platform fall (so now you know where Riku is, and yer already ahead of him). Run up the stairs, forwards, and jump off the ledge in front of you. Run to the right of the raft, again keeping in the shallows, and towards the sand walkway going up to the left at the very back. If you'd taken the "official" walkthrough's way, you and Riku would be about neck-and-neck right now... but... this way, THERE'S NO SIGN OF HIM! HA! WHO'S EATING WHOSE DUST NOW, RIKU?! ... *ahem* anyway... Run up the walkway, jump onto the green platform in front of you, then jump sideways to the left and do a turn that way in midair to land on the next platform. LEAP to the next one (try not to fall please, if not, then you've pretty much lost, so just head back to Kairi), then jump to the yellow star thing (make sure you hear a chime!). Now, turn around and jump down. If you accidentally end up climbing a palm tree, PRESS JUMP OR YER GONNA LOOOOOOSE! Dodge the trees so stoopid Sora-monkey-boy doesn't start climbing them again, keep on the right side of the raft (away from the water), and head back to that platform you jumped off of earlier. Jump onto it (don't miss and get stuck please), go forwards, jump down the stairs, run into the water (again, keeping close to the support beams), and jump up to where Kairi is. YOU'VE WON! BOOYAH! ^~____~^

If you win, you get a Pretty Stone! Again, you'll win one every time you race. You can sell them for munny later on in the game (they don't do anything else). And stop climbing those trees, I say! ... what the!? Riku... jumps... across... the... ... trees... to get to the freaking star tree thing?! ^O_______o^ Well then...

Talk to Kairi (she's by the raft), and she tells you to get 1 Seagull Egg, 3 Mushrooms, 2 Coconuts, 3 Fish, and some Drinking Water (not sea water). Again, if you tell her you're clueless, she'll tell you where to look. Alright. To your left are some trees. Lock on, and hit em! Coconuts rain down on your head. GAH, don't kill me! There is a reason for why I'm making you pelt yourself with coconuts! We're looking for the greenish-yellow kind, so keep hitting til they fall. Be careful, cause if you're too slow, they fade away. Alright, when yer done beating up on the coconut trees, turn around. Behind Kairi is a big rock. Go over to it, lock-on, and push it out of the way. In the hole is a Mushroom. Back to the tower thing with the rope... at its base is another mushroom. Pick up the box on the other side of the tower, lift it up, turn around, walk towards the hole in the cliff face, then throw it towards there when you're near where you just grabbed the second mushroom (any closer and you might throw it INTO the wall, breaking it. Which kinda defeats the purpose). Push the crate under the hole, jump up, and get the Protect Chain out of the chest inside the hole. Equip it (Menu, Equipment, Sora, then choose one of the empty slots and the Protect Chain). Go back to where the race started, and go under the wooden platforms. There's a hole with water gushing out of it. Stand in it, and you can get some Drinking Water (you can also go to the springs behind Wakka, but this is closer). Go through the door to get back on the other side of the island. Enter the Secret Place that Wakka was talking about during the cinematic when you were just talking to him for another Mushroom (it's in the back), and here's a weird cutscene. Swim around in the ocean until you see some fish (dark shapes in the water). Swim up to them. Remember, you need 3 (and no, there aren't any on the cove side). Alright, now for the last item. Swim to the ladder behind the island-thing that you fought Riku on (where Tidus is now, and actually, Tidus, we did beat Riku! ^>__<^ ). Head towards the door of the shack, and climb the skinny tree (yes, you can climb this time). Jump onto the top of the tree on your left (when you're facing the door) to get the Seagull Egg. Return to Kairi to give her your items. She gives you a Hi-Potion! You can either rest now, or go beat up on the kids some more. Not much else to do. *shrugs* And yes, you can take the cave from the star-tree to get back to the other side.

Another CG, and... mutiny! Well, I mean, Riku is kinda a dick, so who can really blame her... Back to Mickey World... or whatever it's called... key? What's this "key" thing? And Leon? Who's Leon? Is... is it Resident Evil's Leon? ARE THERE GOING TO BE ZOMBIES?! DID THE ZOMBIES EAT ALL THE STARS!?! Jiminy Cricket, it's Jiminy Cricket! ... that was redundant. It's Chip n Dale! *hums Rescue Rangers* and this new-fangled thing called a "gummi ship." Up up and away! Er... more like down down and HOLY CRAP! ^@__@^;; Back on the island again... an' thar be's a storm a'brewin', arrr. And is it just me, or did Sora's mom sound like Miriam (Helga's mom) from the Nickelodeon show "Hey, Arnold!"? ^O__o^ uh oh...

Run! That piece of crap wooden sword doesn't do anything at all. Get onto the island where you fought Riku at the beginning of the game. Don't swim there, cause the ladder's gone; take the shack route onto the bridge. And ignore that white door that's appeared where the Secret Place used to be, as it does nothing. Hey there, Riku! ... what's that yer babblin? Aiee! Darkneeeessss!! ^.__.^

As you're being swallowed up by the darkness Riku has inadvertedly summoned to the island you see a glimmer of light. ... a sword... in the shape of a key... equals Keyblade... yeahOKsurewhynot. And now... FIGHT! (yes, the Keyblade works on these things) Jump off the island and head to the white door I was talking about earlier (Secret Place). ... OK, that was weird. And now the island is apparently falling apart. Where'd Kairi go? And I guess Riku too, sure why not. What, this guy again?! *sigh*...


Boss: Darkside
HP: 300
EXP: 60
Attacks: Same as before
My current level: 5

Same deal as before: attack the hands. He's even easier than last time.

*ahem* Uh, yeah, that star? That was yer home planet getting shot to hell. Oh joy.